I recently posted a question on Facebook asking women if they knew how they were being perceived by men. 99% of the responses were a surprising and resounding NO.
How can that be? If you dont know how people see you, this means you probably arent sharing your most authentic self with the world. And if thats the case, I promise you the signals youre sending in your love life are going to confuse the men you meet, and you might be attracting all the wrong ones!
Taking Stock From a New Perspective
This week, were going to take a look both within and without to see if your inside thoughts are being reflected to the outside world. You may be feeling one thing internally, while your face or body is betraying you with conflicting messages.
For example: perhaps youre painfully shy when it comes to seeing a gorgeous man you want to meet, but instead of conveying shyness, your face is telling him youre aloof, unapproachable, unavailable, or not at all interested. I see this every day with women I meet. They appear to be cool and remote to strangers, but once I interview or coach them, I see just how warm and sweet they really are.
I want everyone to be able to know you simply by looking into your eyes and sensing your energy. That is our goal together! But, first things first. You need to get a gauge or a picture of what people (mostly men) think of you.
Time for a little detective work! I want you to ask four people how they see you. Scared? Suck it up. Be brave. This is going to be good!
First, decide on two men you know well (male friends who spend time with you, but with whom you are completely platonic). They could be friends from work, the gym, even a neighbor.
Next, find two men who have only recently met you. Youre already going to be out in the community this weekend, making new connections and living your life, so think about who you might run into. These dont have to be men youre interested in dating. It could be someone at your local coffee shop, at a party, or wherever you happen go this weekend.
With your close male friends youre simply going to flat out ask them. Tell them youre doing a fun exercise and ask if theyre willing to help you with it. They will of course, say yes. In fact, they might be so curious, theyll ask you the same questions!
Heres what to ask:
How would you describe me to your friends?
What did you think of me in the first five minutes of meeting me?
Did your picture or thought of me change once you got to know me?
For the two men whom youve just met (and remember, these can be just any man, not necessarily someone you want to date), just tell them youre curious and would love to know how you come across. And if you’re shy about asking, it’s okay to say that too. Smile and keep it short and simple.
Heres a little script you can use:
Youve just met me. Im doing a fun exercise and Im trying to figure out how new people see me. Not my close friends. What was your initial take on me? Would you be able to describe much about me from knowing me just for 30 (or five) minutes? If so, what would you say about me?
Finally, Review and Renew
Now, I know this is tough! But once you do it, youll have some honest feedback about the messages youre sending out to the world, and you can ask yourself is this the real me?
One of the great benefits of taking a little time to review and renew is that you can get rid of any habits, expressions, or outdated beliefs you no longer want to hold on to. You also have the freedom to replace them with new habits, expressions and beliefs.
I want to be clear that Im NOT suggesting that you change yourself for anyones benefit. Rather, my goal is to help you find out if youve been walking around thinking youre an open book, when youre sending a message on the outside that you are really hard to get to know.
Our goal is for your wonderful inner self to shine through.
You’ll be able to be more authentic, and make stronger connections, once youve reviewed this feedback, and decided if you want to alter how you are in the world.
Remember to check back with me here on the blog. Ill be curious to see if men are seeing you the way you see yourself. Are there any changes you need to make? Did they confirm what you already know? Lets discuss!