Rejection is a part of life.
“Not everyone is going to love you” our parents wisely remind us when we are young. Later, when we’re rejected by the people we date, we tell ourselves, “It’s his loss,” and when we aren’t offered a promising job we pursued, we say, “That company made a huge mistake! I would have been perfect for that position.”
But despite any outward shows of bravado, rejection hurts, and can bring out the worst in us. It makes us sad, frustrated, and it hits us in the gut like an iron fist, making it easy to be short-sighted and irrational with our reactions.
What if it doesn’t have to be that way? What if you could not only accept rejection, but actually welcome it as a gift? This brings me to Candace, who reached out to me with a great question:
Hi April, I was wondering how to change the perspective of seeing incompatibility as a form of rejection.
Candace, I’m assuming by reading your question that you were “rejected” and that reason you were given was that you were simply not compatible enough. So, let’s start there.
What Is Compatibility?
It simply means there is a common thread and bond that brings two people together. The relationship works in a way that’s somehow more effortless than others. Interests, goals, values, energy, passions and most importantly, the way two people give and receive love is harmonious and agreeable. When you’re with someone you’re compatible with, life makes more sense. Things are easier. It feels like you speak the same language.
Rejection Is Your BFF — Emphasis on the Last F
You’ve been on both sides of the equation. You’ve rejected people in your past, haven’t you? There was nothing really wrong with them, you just didn’t feel the connection you were looking for. You’ve also been left standing (or in tears) when someone you’ve really cared for told you “there just isn’t enough compatibility here for us.”
Ouch. It stings. No doubt. I won’t candy coat it. But that rejection also protects your future. Let me explain.
What Matchmaking Has Taught Me
I’ve been a successful Matchmaker to the top five-percent of the men in the country for 16 years. My clients are smart, highly educated, handsome, fit, kind, marriage-minded men with great values and sparkling, dynamic personalities. I don’t work with men I don’t admire so when they’re rejected I’m shocked. “How could a woman not see what a catch this man is?”
Every time a woman declines a client of mine, I actually get even more motivated. Why? Because I know the woman who is going to be his future wife is out there and it’s simply a matter of time before I find her. I prefer that these women know up front they don’t feel it and get out of the way so we can open him up to a better match. One that is more suitable for him. The woman who will truly see his strengths and love him for them.
I also know and meet with extraordinary women each week in my office. It’s tough to see a client say no to a second date, especially when I see the massive potential. Pretty, intelligent, successful, sexy, downright lovely women who aren’t asked for a second or third date.
For every woman or man who has been declined or rejected while I’ve worked with them, they have still had twice the amount of people who were elated to meet them and wanted to see them again. All of this experience and insight has given me a unique perspective into the highs and lows of rejection.
We need rejection. It’s nature’s weeding out process that clears our path for the right journey and yes, the right person, or the right job. It does for us what we, at times, cannot do for ourselves. If rejection didn’t exist, people would truly be settling. Typically, it’s not until you meet the person you are truly compatible with that you realize just how grateful you are for being dumped by Mr. Yesterday.
Check Your Ego, But Know You Are Wonderful
People fall in love when they meet the person who answers their needs. Just because someone has a need that you do not answer, has no bearing on how wonderful you are. I’m not the first person to tell you that not everyone makes the best choices. I do this for a living and even though I’m paid very well for it, my clients do not always heed my advice. I’ve seen incredible guys choose women who were wrong for them despite my recommendations.
Remember, that no one is perfect and some people choose based on their insecurities. So, don’t give away your power trying to be everyone’s perfect match. If you’ve been rejected, you just might have been given the best gift of your life.
Have a story about how you turned rejection into something positive? Sparks! is a place where smart, successful women turn for solid advice, and we love the community we have here. Please share so others can learn from your experience!
As always, if this article resonated with you, feel free to share it on Facebook or forward to your friends. Each week I answer a question for my One-to-One w/ April Series. Go here to submit your dating questions!