Throughout history there have been so many rules forced upon women about this. Myths abound about “how soon is too soon.” Luckily, we live in a time when we can decide for ourselves how to react when we find someone who ignites passion in us!
But does it make a difference to the long-term potential of the relationship if we act on that excitement too soon? That’s Colleen’s question:
Well, a fantastic man has appeared in my life. We met through mutual friends. He’s a widow of two years (I worry that he isn’t ready). We have tons of chemistry and to be blunt, after two dates, ended up at his apartment and had a lengthy, fun, (filled with laughter, whispers, tenderness, sweetness, passion, intensity) two-hour make out session in his bedroom.
I’m interested in this person as a potential partner. I want to postpone sex — as I want the relationship and trust first. What do I do?????
Colleen, I can feel the mix of excitement and anxiety jumping off my computer screen! Okay! First things first: pause and take a deeeep breath. Let it out slowly and feel yourself relaxing.
I want you to enjoy the wonderful newness of this budding romance, and listen to your instincts NOT your fear.
What Factors Are At Play?
Keep in mind that there are some relationships that take on a heavy passionate theme right out of the gate because they aren’t meant to be the lasting and enduring ones. You’ll know you’ve met a serious potential partner when that passionate chemistry is also shared with a feeling of calm.
We meet people along the way and have mind blowing chemistry and do everything in our power to slow it down because we want it to be so much more. I’m not saying this man can’t be a potential partner — I just advise you to take a longer look and examine why this is moving so fast. You mention that he’s a widower and that you worry he may not be ready. Perhaps a passionate love affair is all he can do right now.
Determine What You Want
If postponing sex is truly what you want and need, then you should be able to do that without a problem. But it’s obvious you’re swept up into the passion, after only two dates! For some reason, you aren’t entirely trusting yourself. Why is that?
Since I can’t be there with you (smile), speak up and tell him that you have off the charts chemistry with him, but you want to take things slowly in the sex department. If, in fact, that truly is what you want. Listening to your inner self is what’s most important here, because there is no right or wrong answer. What are your instincts telling you?
Let me know what happens!
The Surprising Truth About When To Have Sex
One final note to everyone: if a man is interested in you (unless he’s 25), sex early on or later in the relationship is not going to make him any more or less invested in starting a relationship with you. The truth is it makes no difference. If you’ve met someone recently and it feels like it’s going too fast, ask for more time. Just be sure you’re doing it for your own comfort level and not because you think it’s going to deepen the relationship.
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