There’s not a woman or man who hasn’t questioned their relationship at one point or another. It’s especially normal to assess whether or not you’re in the right relationship when you first start dating. After all, it’s your love life. Is anything more important? I just received this great question from Leslie:
I love your advice and I’m so grateful for your site, where I can learn from someone I trust. My question is about compatibility. I’m in a fairly new relationship with a guy I really like, but we have completely different interests! Is this going to present a problem down the road? I can’t help but wonder about it.
Leslie, thanks for writing! I’m so glad you find my advice is making a difference for you. When it comes to compatibility, one thing is for sure: in all of my meetings and interviews as a coach and matchmaker, we very rarely talk about common interests.
Would it be nice to put two people together who love to ski? Absolutely. But if all the other ingredients for a great relationship are present, the fact that she or he doesn’t ski is not going to stop me from creating an introduction. Life and love are far more important than that, and if I judged my matches on interests, I wouldn’t have successfully created hundreds of relationships and marriages.
Can You Be Yourself?
This is something you’re going to have to feel your way through. Meaning, don’t go to your head for the answers. Listen to your heart. Pay close attention to how you feel when you’re with him. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I feel loved, adored and respected?
2. Does he encourage me to do the things I love?
3. Does he attempt to try my activities/interests?
4. Does he ask me about my life, and take an interest in learning more about me?
5. Have I offered to bring him into my world? Friends? Activities? Was he enthusiastic?
If you answered yes to all or most of these questions, you’re in good shape! You don’t want to be with someone who takes away the things that are most near and dear to your heart. Ultimately, you should allow each other the time and space to do the things you each love.
The Key to Making it Work
A relationship between two people with completely separate interests who don’t have a give and take attitude will crash and burn when the newness of the relationship wears off. To have a loving and lasting relationship, you don’t have to love doing what your partner does, but you do have to love being together. Find new interests and activities that you both can agree on and share together. You can’t be a single person in a committed relationship. It’s about the two of you. Create something new out of your union.
Now I want to hear from everyone else. Have you found that your best relationships were with men you had a lot in common with? Were you ever able to connect with a man who had opposite interests? Share your story with us!
See you next time! Until then…