Everyone seems to have a theory on the secret to finding love. And they all want to tell you what it is. Raye has received these conflicting messages from more than enough people and it’s starting to create confusion…
When friends say “it will happen when you least expect it,” that makes it sound like I should adopt a nonchalant attitude in order for “him” to appear. But then, when I actually succumb to nonchalance (substitute: inertia), I am told I am “never going to meet someone” if I don’t get out there! This makes no sense! What’s a girl to do???
Raye, I totally understand. There is a fine line here, but I promise that taking your eye off the ball doesn’t have to mean you’re being any less proactive about finding love.
Not This. Not That.
Here’s the truth. Neither piece of advice really works, and there’s a good reason why. Love does indeed happen when you least expect it, but you still need to be actively open, setting the stage, and clearing out the relationship closet to make room for such a surprise encounter. It’s like luck with a great job – opportunity knocks when you’re fully prepared. Succumbing to nonchalance and never leaving your living room is counterproductive.
There’s a middle ground here. You never want to appear like you don’t care, nor do you want to get out and hunt. So instead, the next time you feel the urge to “do something” for your love life, simply change your mindset and your focus. Here’s how:
Live Your Life
First, allow yourself to simply be who you are and do the things you love to do. But do those things out in the world, outdoors, or in pubic (otherwise, the pizza guy is your most likely Prince Charming). If you’re only attending events to meet someone, you’re going to burn out and you’ll be even more frustrated when you don’t meet “him.” Stay on track with the natural order and flow of your life.
Next, instead of spending your present worrying about the future, put the focus on learning more about yourself, your needs, likes, quirks and personal goals. If your wardrobe needs an update, find a stylist. If you need to lose unhappy weight, get a trainer. If you’ve been putting off a trip or a passion project, make it happen now. You don’t wait for love to live your life. You put your time to good use by being constructive and making yourself happy.
And finally, if you’ve been feeling depleted from your search for love, that’s a sign you’re going about it the wrong way. The right attitude must be present for miracles to happen for us. Staying open, looking available and happy is all you really need to do. Truly! I know it sounds overly simplified, but it’s true. Your search needs to be from the inside out, not the other way around.
Take a Structured Break
If you’ve done the internal work and it’s still a frustrating experience, take a sixty day dating hiatus. I guarantee you that by taking your eye off the ball, and focusing on your happiness – that feeling will begin to shine through, and when it does, it will be nearly impossible for people not to approach you.
Okay everyone, I’d love to hear from you! Are you constantly being caught between two schools of thought on how to meet a great guy? What has given you the most opportunity to meet men of your caliber? As you know, the sharing on Sparks! is always the best part, so share your thoughts below. We can all learn from each other!