Everywhere we look we see images of what the media tells us is sexy.
Dove brand made an incredibly powerful one-minute film a while back about the number of images a young girl absorbs from the beauty industry beginning when she’s around 8 or 9 years old. Called “Onslaught,” it’s short, telling and very moving.
We’re bombarded with TV, movies, billboards, websites and magazines filled with gorgeous models staring back at us with the professional version of the “blue steel” gaze. And the endless online commentary in recent weeks about the-perfectly-average-shaped-but-beautiful Lena Dunham’s right to parade around without clothing in her own HBO show GIRLS, tells us we haven’t made much progress when it comes to how we should (allegedly) look if we want to feel sexy.
No wonder I meet so many women who’ve lost sight of their sexy! It’s a constant game of comparisons and near endless effort to be something that they’re not.
This can lead to a domino effect where you never allow yourself to feel good about who you are!
You Can Be Breathtaking and Unforgettable
Guess what? You have your own brand of sexy. And if you think it’s all about your hair, clothes, body and make-up, you’re missing out on several essentials that make you absolutely breathtaking and unforgettable to the men who meet you.
I’m not just saying this to make you feel better. It’s something I’ve seen in action with the women I coach, and even in my own life. Think about it this way: how many nights have you gone out with your friends, looking gorgeous, only to have no one approach you? Confidence is the foundation for sexiness, it’s true, but it must be combined with an awareness that makes you accessible.
It seems like every woman who meets with me has a question about flirting: how much is too much? How much is too little? Is flirting necessary to give a man notice that you’re interested?
It’s actually so much easier and more natural than what you might think. Here’s a hint: men don’t need you to come on to them, wink or move in a provocative way to get their attention. I met my husband at a party where every girl was dressed in stilettos and short skirts. I just happened to be wearing cotton drawstring pants, a t-shirt and flip flops. That night, I felt whole. I felt like the best version of myself. I felt natural, confident…..and happy.
I love this quote from Audrey Hepburn: “There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.”
First Steps To Awareness
For this week’s “thought exercise”, I invite and encourage you to start being aware of when you feel sexy or when you spot it in other women you know or meet in your daily life. What is connected to your sexy? Is it your attitude? Confidence? Notice the women who seem to have the sexy-flirt thing down to a science. Pay close attention to how authentic their behavior is (or isn’t). Some women just seem to know how to naturally light up, while others seem like they’re trying too hard to win the attention of every man around them.
I do an entire class on SEXY in my Smart Sexy Soulful Dating™ course and it is one of my favorite topics to teach! If you want to know more, sign up to learn more plus get my “Five Ways to Create Chemistry” training video. It’s a great primer for the SEXY class!
Remember, this month’s Friday Takeaways are designed to get you into shifting perception and creating a new awareness. I don’t expect you to have answers, just have fun and explore these ideas with me. We’ll be putting all of this together soon- so stay posted! Take a look back at last week’s Smart Dating post. Next, we’re talking about Soulful Dating!
Your friend in love,