After the passion and excitement at the start of a relationship begin to level off, should you worry about whether the relationship has run its course? We all love the thrill of those first months in a new romance. Kacey wants to know how to ignite that again in her own relationship.
How can I get the honeymoon stage back into a relationship? Seems like the relationship feels like fifty years instead of only almost two years. Thank you!
Everyone in the world has felt exactly what you’re feeling, Kacey, and there’s a reason why. Relationships are meant to transition from the honeymoon stage and deepen into a strong bond of love and friendship. This is what happens when two people become familiar and relaxed with one another.
Think about it like this: in order to build a life, marriage or family with someone, there has to be trust and comfort. If the honeymoon phase went on forever, you’d never get anything done! Those butterflies in your stomach and excitement were there because you didn’t know each other and anything could happen. Now, you know each other well. You can’t get back the honeymoon stage at this point; it’s unrealistic.
But that’s okay because that’s how it should be! You can now build something new and exciting with your partner, based on what you have.
Create More Connection and Romance
You have to start loving and accepting this stage of the relationship, because looking back and comparing now to the first six months is only going to make you feel like something is wrong. Look toward the future instead, and create a new way of connection based on valuing the two years (so far!) of this relationship.
Let me ask you a question: is there love between you? Dedication? Interest in being with one another? If not, then okay, it’s possible the relationship has run its course. But if you still have love, and are just missing a few things that make sparks fly, here are some suggestions:
1. Get out of your routine. Couples tend to get into a rut and when they do, they mistakenly think their relationship is over. Shake it up! Try a new place for dinner. Get in the car and go someplace you’ve never been. Make it an assignment that you both plan a fun weekend getaway without the other one knowing anything about it. Surprises are a great way to kick things up and bring more intensity to your time together.
2. Listen and Ask. When we’re settled into the familiarity of a relationship, we forget to ask our partner how they’re feeling. You may think you know everything about your guy, but trust me, there are millions of things he’s thinking that you’re unaware of. Check in. A great time to do this is in bed on a Sunday. Ask him what he’d love to do, or what would make him happy. Remember, this is the time to ask and not tell. If you make it all about him, you’ll be surprised how quickly he makes it all about you.
3. Choose Affection. In the beginning you called each other “lover”, “sweetie” “darling” and other terms of endearment. What happened to those? Use these words again with him to remind him of why you two fell in love in the first place.
4. Leave your problems at the door. In the beginning, you didn’t share every gory detail of your life with him. Now he knows how much you hate your boss, how your bff has been hurting your feelings, and all the things you don’t like about yourself. Zip it for a while. This doesn’t mean don’t share, just be careful that you’re not unloading on him all the time.
Here’s a Little Secret!
Remember, to get the romance back, you have to do the work first. If you’re with the right partner, you won’t even have to ask for more fun and romance. You’ll simply be leading by example. Inspire action instead of asking for it or demanding. You’ll be much happier and all the more effective and powerful!
Good luck with your relationship, Kacey, and let me know how things are going!
Now it’s your turn. What have you done to turn your love life around, or create a “honeymoon” feeling in a long-term relationship? I’d love for you to share in the comments section below!