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Are You Outsourcing Your Joy?

As you know if you’re a regular reader of Sparks!, I run a business with two distinct brands. For almost two decades I’ve run an established, high-end matchmaking practice, and in recent years I’ve launched a women’s brand, under which I offer private relationship coaching, while also providing expert dating advice to women around the world. Each brand requires constant attention, in addition to related media appearances and full-on special projects.

As a result, I work long hours. Evenings and weekends I’m usually catching up on the marketing of my business and writing the advice blogs here on Sparks! And, like so many of the busy women I work closely with, I have to outsource certain things to make room for all of this.

For example, I was recently looking for a new assistant and was trying to find someone who also loves dogs. My beautiful Australian Kelpi Lucy and my feisty Corgi/Jack Russel Winston are a traveling circus of excitement. They’re often with me at the office, so it occurred to me that it would be nice to have extra help with them.

Luckily, I realized there was one problem with that idea: my dogs are a source of daily joy for me. Outsourcing their walks would keep me from spending the time I’d like to with them. It would free me up for more work, and less happiness.

Just the other day, while coaching a fellow business owner, we uncovered that she too was paying others to handle much of her personal life. She’s busy. It makes sense. She needed her assistant to make sure there was always fresh cut up fruit in the fridge, and to go through her closet and toss out the clothes she hadn’t worn in a year. She had her dog walker take her pup to the beach and toss a ball around. Her dog had put on weight as they just didn’t go for the runs and walks like they used to before her business became such a big success.

This is something we are all guilty of at one time or another. Outsourcing the things that make us who we are. The parts of our personal lives that would actually keep us in touch with ourselves.

The meditative process of cutting up fruit each week keeps you mindful of health and nourishes your spirit. Walking to a nearby café to fetch an Americano or a green juice allows you to break away from work and rest your mind for a moment, and gives you the chance to exchange a few words with your neighbors. Tending to your own wardrobe gets you closer to self-knowledge with questions of identity, economy, and success.

All of these details of daily living can be life-affirming rituals if you’ll allow them to be. They build you up and help replenish your energy.

In the case of my client, her life had become all output, without enough input. At least not the things that nurture our spirit, put a spring in our step and bring us closer to the women we really are.

We both had a moment when we realized that we should be cutting up our own fruit and carving out time in our day to play with our beloved pets.

When your life has become all about work and you’ve hired other’s to do what makes you feel alive, nurtured and happy, your life is out of balance.

Start thinking about what you can outsource that is more of your business and what you can start doing for yourself that is more of your personal life. It’s the small things that you might be overlooking that will help you to feel more human, more feminine and closer to your heart. If you’ve been a woman who balances everything beautifully, we want to hear from you. Please share your stories ladies!

Much love to all of my fellow dedicated, hard working women friends in the world!

Much love,


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