Reflect and Reset
As 2015 comes to an end, we have the opportunity to look back at what the year has brought us, and at what lies ahead. It’s a time to hit the reset button and, although I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions, I am definitely someone who believes in changing behavior when something isn’t working.
If you’re a business owner as I am, you’ll know that I always have an ear to the ground listening to my clients and audience about what is working and not working. We all do this in business, making updates and changes as needed. But what about your personal life? When it comes to your dating life, are you consistently making updates as well? Are you asking what’s working and not working for you?
When I meet with single women and single men in my office, I hear their stories of lost love and disappointments and I’m always amazed by how many people will hold onto their patterns, despite the dismal outcomes.
“I can’t help it April. I have a type and I can’t control that.”
My famous response is always, “How’s that working out for you?”
This year I’ve witnessed some relationships transform into beautiful, lifelong partnerships, while a few reached their conclusion just as quickly and dramatically as they started. If this year’s events left you feeling a little hopeless, I have good news!
Attracting Love is Completely In Your Hands
I’m happy to tell you that although you can’t control when you will meet your life partner, you have tremendous power to attract the right kind of men into your life.
You are too strong, powerful and motivated to simply give up on love. People tend to ditch hope all the time, but that’s because hope alone is not enough. Hope isn’t the main dish in your search for love, it’s the side dish! You need far more on your plate to be truly nourished and satisfied.
Here are three things to bring to the table, along with hope, to help you attract the right kind of man in 2016…
There is nothing sexier and more attractive than knowing yourself. Even without the guidance of a coach or therapist, you’ve had experiences that have taught you, and given you data to use for future relationships. Your only job is to make smarter choices based on these experiences. Hold the bar high, while holding yourself accountable for better choices in the men you date. You and you alone are responsible for your love life, and complaining about how you’re being treated only looks bad on one member of the party: You. If you find yourself confused, disappointed, or hurt by a man you’ve met, shake it off and move on. No reason to waste time teaching a man in your life how to treat you with more love, care and respect. If he isn’t bringing it, he doesn’t want to! You can forgive, but never forget. Remember, knowledge is power!
To truly reboot your dating life, you need to practice. Much like anything else you do in life, trying it just once isn’t going to cut it. Think about training your body at the gym or spin class. Does one workout or one class change your body? We wish, but we all know that workouts are a continuous journey that we do daily to keep our health, mind and body at its best. If one path you are taking isn’t working, try another. Practice speaking your truth, asking for what you need, and let go if you aren’t getting the results you wish for. Remember, the lack of an answer from a man IS your answer. No need to dig for more. Just because you’ve asked for more and didn’t get it, doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with your ask. You’re simply shopping in the wrong store!
You are only 50% of the equation when it comes to relationships. I know you’ve been longing, yearning, wishing, hoping and looking for a great partner for years. You’re exhausted and ready for a change. You deserve it, after all. You’re a fantastic person. But, that’s not the way the universe works. A couple consists of two people. This means, both need to be on the same path, journey, desire level and state of readiness. You can’t possibly do enough work for both of you. Put your focus on your own life, while creating an open space to receive a new and wonderful partner into your life. If he or she hasn’t arrived yet, there’s something more to be learned or received. Just trust that if you are fully expressed, happy, and putting out the right type of signals, love will happen when it’s your time. Maintain your focus on your own path, and never compare your journey to anyone else’s.
Above All, Know This
You are wonderful and complete as you are. The best relationships are formed from two healthy people looking for the same things at the same time. I’ve seen love elude people for their entire lives, only to see it magically shift one day. Never underestimate the power of a dash of hope. Add to that knowledge, practice and patience and you’re well on your way. Your life is moving in the right direction whether you have physical proof of a relationship or not. You’ll get there!
Cheers to LOVE in 2016!