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One-to-One: Is He Flirting? Or…Not?

I love the topic of flirting. It’s the most natural instinct we have and yet — it seems to be confusing and mystifying even to the most seasoned daters! Is he casually being flirtatious in the moment only? Or does he want to pursue you?

Elena writes:

I am a 42 year old recently divorced woman. I was with my ex since my early 20s and didn’t really date much prior to meeting him. Needless to say, I’ve been out of the dating scene for so long that I don’t know when someone is flirting with me or just being nice and chatty. My question is: how can you tell if a man is ‘flirting’ with you and how do you let him know you’re interested as well?

Elena, thank you for the question! It’s actually easier than you might think to figure this out. Understanding how to flirt and recognizing when someone is flirting with you requires two things: listening and observing.

Men who are interested don’t take long to ask you out. Remember, they’ve been practicing approaching girls and dealing with rejection for years, and it all started when they were around age 12. The walk to the opposite side of the school gym to ask the girl of their dreams to dance was a long and scary one. Luckily, you’re now at an age where men in your target range are going to be mature and practiced enough to step up and take action.

And while you yourself may be out of practice because you’ve been married, you still have your senses and your intuition!


NO — He’s not flirting if he’s being playful with every woman around you. That means he’s simply trying to get attention.

YES — He’s flirting when he’s paying close attention to you. If he’s complimenting you, and not noticing anyone else in the room, that’s flirting. And, of course, if he makes sure he doesn’t leave without asking you out and getting your phone number. A good thing to keep in mind — it has to be about YOU, not him.


DON’T — look away and avoid his gaze because you’re shy. It doesn’t work, especially for women over 25. Men will just think you’re unavailable or not interested. Neither of those are the image you want to portray.

DO — smile and make eye contact! Compliment him, and gently touch his arm when you speak to him. Pay attention to him. Listen and observe. A good thing to keep in mind — warmth is essential to flirting!

I could write about this topic all day! I teach women how to flirt effectively and honestly in my Smart Sexy Soulful Dating™ course so check this out to learn more. I’m opening early enrollment soon and I don’t want you to miss out! This course is a transformational program that has already inspired thousands of women all over the world and I know it can help you too.

I love getting your questions ladies. I appreciate your ability to be open, smart and candid about what you need to help you be empowered in your dating life. Let’s keep the conversation going. Tell me in the comments how you’ve been successful with the flirting game, or if this is an area of your life that still confuses you. And please share with your friends! I read all of your comments and am looking forward to connecting with you.

Much Love and see you all next Wednesday.

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