We all have those times when we have trouble letting go of a relationship that has run its course, and Emilia is struggling with that situation right now. My advice to her might surprise you.
I broke up with my boyfriend in October last year and I think I still love him. I’ve tried to forget about him, but I just want to know what he’s doing all the time. How do I stop this feeling?
Emilia, thanks for writing. Breakups are certainly never easy, and to be honest, we wouldn’t want them to be. It’s all part of the process and journey of growth.
Well-intentioned friends and family members will tell you to “forget about him and move on,” but that’s very difficult when you’ve been in a long relationship. When we date someone they become a part of us. Separating that part can feel like you’re cutting off an arm. So, instead of trying to stop your feelings (that’s like trying not to breathe), I suggest you put them in the proper perspective.
First, why did you break up with him in the first place? If the relationship was not working for you and you were the one who ended it, then it could be your ego that’s now getting in the way of moving forward. Don’t underestimate the ego. It’s powerful, and a part of us whether we like it or not.
On the other hand, if he broke up with you, there’s still the question of ego, but there’s an even more important factor to consider: you need to trust that he may have made the best decision for both of you. I wouldn’t want you to pine over a guy who wasn’t in love with you.
Finally, if you do still love him, the best thing to do is voice how you feel to him, getting it all out on the table. But be sure this is truly what you want, however, and not just sentimentality. Be prepared for possible rejection, and know that the reason for telling him is to satisfy your own inner needs, and not necessarily to get him back.
Getting Your Mind and Heart Moving Forward Again
Invest some time in being gentle with yourself, and allowing yourself to heal. It’s not a quick process, but here are some steps to get you headed in a positive direction:
- Make a list of what worked and what didn’t. It will help you see things clearly.
- Don’t check his Facebook account to see what he’s up to.
- Don’t ask mutual friends about him
- Spend your time with people you love, and do the things that make you happy.
All the best to you Emilia. Choose to have a fresh start. There’s a lot of life (and great guys) waiting for you! I’d love to hear from everyone else on this. How have you been able to get over a break up? What made it easier for you? Please share your tips!
Much love as always,