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What Men Think About Your Independence

Last weekend was Independence Day, and while I always enjoy the wonderful summer celebration, I’m also reminded each year of something women say to me on a regular basis: “I have trouble meeting a great guy. My independence is intimidating to men.”

Why do so many women say this? The women who come to me with this issue are truly amazing women. Confident, successful, educated, fit. They have incredible friends, powerful careers and the freedom to travel. The only thing they are missing is a relationship with a good man.

Is Your Success Keeping Men Away?

Is it a fact that men simply aren’t attracted to smart and accomplished women?

What I find interesting is that most of these women are very focused on their credentials, their titles and their financial success. Where is the person underneath it all? And what does she have to offer a man romantically.

I’ve spent 17 years working with some of the country’s most eligible, successful, marriage-minded men, and to be honest, it’s rare that a man will list career success, a stellar education or other status markers for his ideal woman. 
It just doesn’t come up. What about the way you love, communicate, and your ability to make a man feel strong and inspired? What about how feminine, warm and affectionate you are?

The good news is that men are looking for something much deeper than what is on your resume. They are interested in the true essence of you as a woman.

The Reality

Men aren’t intimidated by a woman’s intelligence or her success. Women tell themselves this when they aren’t willing or ready to look at themselves, and consider how their behavior around men might be working against them.

The fact is, yes, men appreciate a woman who has pursued her goals. A man can benefit greatly from marrying a woman who’s intelligent, capable, successful and rational ― BUT not at the exclusion of warmth, care, chemistry and romance. If you’ve been telling yourself that your intelligence or your success is keeping men away, my dating advice is to become aware of the signals you’re putting out there.

It’s great that you are independent. But there has to be room for two in a relationship ― each person needs to be able to give, and have their gifts received. A man will need to know he can and will have the opportunity to be there for you, make you happy, protect and love you. Take those things away from him and you’ve taken away his desire and need to be with you.

Do you find it difficult to let go of demonstrating your self-sufficiency around men? Have you ever tried to change your behavior to allow them more room to be giving and caring toward you? If not, try it. And if so, please share your story in the comments section — I’d love to hear how it went!

Much love,



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