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When Your “I Love You” Is Met With Silence

Not the response you want, right? It can be mortifying to have expressed your inner self with those three little words, only to get nothing in return but the solemn serenade of chirping crickets. This is what Patricia is dealing with.

My heart is in pain. I recently met a guy whom I fell in love with and the other day I accidentally said “I love you.” Since then he’s been distant, and hasn’t been in touch as usual. Did I make a huge mistake? Was I a fool or should I just let go of this guy and move on? Thanks for your advice.

Patricia, just last week on an episode of “New Girl” they explored this very same topic, so this is quite timely! Characters Jess and Nick are dating when all of a sudden, he can’t help himself and tells her he loves her. When she doesn’t respond, he begins his quest to take it all back and pretend it never happened. He eventually learns that she really does love him, but was having a tough time saying it back. Later, she loudly professes her love in a party full of people. They kiss. Fade out.

The feeling of love is never an accident. It’s pure. It lives in us like the very breath we breathe. Denying it is like asking yourself to go against your natural state.

One important thing I want you to know, Patricia. Your gift of love is just that. A gift. It cannot be tied to the reciprocation or return of the intended affection.

I’ll explain.

We all want to love the man who loves us back, right? Otherwise, it would be solo tennis and that’s not a good place for anyone to be.

However, if the serve is not returned, you have the choice to move on and find someone who loves and expresses love the way you do. Telling someone you love them doesn’t hold you hostage. It’s an expression of how you feel, and what is more beautiful or honest than that? If you meant it, then don’t regret it or try and take it back. The man you’re dating just might need some more time to say it back, which is fine if he’s treating you with love and care.

Rest assured, you can’t ruin a new relationship by being heartfelt. It’s just not possible.

I wrote in detail on this topic a few months ago, and you can read more here: Should You Say the “L” Word First?

Bringing it back to all of my Sparks! readers, has this happened to you? Were you the first one to drop the “L” word and wanted to instantly swallow your words? Would love to hear from you on this. Share your story in the comments!

Much love,

2 Responses to “When Your “I Love You” Is Met With Silence”

  1. James says:

    True. The feelings you are expressing are yours.
    Still, I don’t see anything wrong with getting to know the other person loves you as well. It’s the greatest feeling on earth. But if you don’t love it’s better to make that response also equally clear. Silence creates agony.

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