We know that more people are spending their twenties and even early thirties “exploring their options,” both romantically and career-wise, and delaying marriage until later in life than at any other time in history. One result of this trend is that many women tend to have firmly established careers by the time they get serious about looking for someone to share their lives with.
But there seems to be some confusion about this being the new natural order. Is that the only way to go about things? Of course not — especially if you know yourself. Which is why Sara’s question is such a good one. She writes:
How important do you think it is to be settled on a career of some sort before trying to seriously date? I’m in my mid 20s and I have not found my life-long career, and have had several jobs. I avoid putting myself out there because it is unsettling to me. It’s funny because I am secure in who I am and know myself very well, but when it comes to my occupation, I don’t have the same confidence.
Sara, thanks for your question! You’re definitely not alone on this one. The answer is that if you’re comfortable with who you are and feel that you’re relationship-ready — then it’s time to start realizing your value as a woman, regardless of your career situation.
Men don’t think in terms of status when they’re looking for a partner. Does a quality man want you to have goals and dreams? Yes. Does he want to be with a woman he can respect? Absolutely. However, that’s not dependent on how you earn an income. A man is going to respect you by how you live your life, how well you take care of yourself emotionally and personally, and how you are when the two of you are together.
He’s not going to love you more or less because of your occupation, or because you’re still figuring that one out. You may be a woman who just isn’t career driven, and if so, that’s okay. Or perhaps you just need more time. In either case, what’s important to your love life is who you are on a much deeper level than that, and that you find a man who shares the same values as you.
I did an Ask April video on this very same topic so be sure to watch that here for more advice and please share it with your friends, who may be struggling with the same issue:
You can’t put your love life on hold while you’re waiting to get settled into a career! That’s simply counterproductive and a waste of your precious youth. Get out there girl! Date, and date with confidence for all the things you are and what you have to offer in the ways that really count.
P.S. Hope you’re looking forward to my Smart Sexy Soulful Dating™ course, which teaches you everything you need to know to find the guy that’s perfect for you! Sign up to be notified when early registration opens, and you’ll be treated to some fascinating preview material that will help you build your dating smarts!