Earlier this month I attended a gorgeous and intimate wedding at Post Ranch in Big Sur, California. It was one of the most profound ceremonies I have ever witnessed.
I know both the bride and the groom, love them as individuals, and love them even more as a couple.
As a Matchmaker and a Dating Coach, I’ve heard a thousand stories of lost love, pain from the disappointment of love, and the yearning and longing for it when it can’t seem to be found anywhere. I also see first hand how women settle for less than wonderful relationships. Endless complaints and frustration about men who just aren’t giving enough to the relationship, and yet, women stay. They stay in the mediocrity rather than letting go and opting for joy.
The Courage to Find Joy
Letting go of a bad (or just average) relationship is challenging. It’s as if somehow the sadness, anger, frustration, or even the lack of intimacy, is better than the unknown. Facing being single again and starting over can paralyze you and keep you from meeting someone better suited to you, your needs, dreams and wishes. The man who will bring out the best, not the worst in you. But, that takes courage.
This newly married couple had courage. The groom? He had stayed single until the age of 43. The bride? She had been married for many years, raised a son, and had the insight and wisdom to let go and take the leap. Not easy to do when you don’t know what’s on the other side, especially when you’ve been in the day to day comfort of a marriage. Her heart knew life could be easier, sweeter and happier. She didn’t know who was going to bring this to her, but she had faith.
Finally, on this day, their dreams, wishes and needs were all coming together in a beautiful ceremony of commitment and devotion.
It’s This or Nothing
The groom spoke words that absolutely every woman should hear on her wedding day. As he spoke, the recurring thought that ran through my mind as tears ran down my cheeks was, It’s this or nothing.
The level of feeling I witnessed raised the bar. There’s just no reason to settle for anything less.
I asked my friend to send me his vows and below is just a portion. I hope they touch your heart and instead of making you sad, I pray his words resonate within you, so you know this is also possible for you and every woman you know. I will add that the woman he married is equally as devoted and deserving of his love. She is all heart, beauty, grace and compassion.
It takes two to make a marriage, but it takes two people who love deeply to make a beautiful marriage.
A Profound Commitment
My Heart. That’s what I’ve called you ever since we began seeing each other. You are – My Heart.
So, what is a heart?
It is the thing that begins to beat from the moment you are conceived to the last day of your body’s life. It lovingly nourishes your entire body. It is generous with its love and attention.
It never says, Left foot you’ve been bad, so no blood for you today. It gives freely, equally, tirelessly to your whole body. It is the most consistent, loving, nonjudgmental, life-giving, indefatigable, magnificent wonder in your life.
It never stops, it never gives up on you. It knows so much, it never lets you down, and when you trust it the whole world opens up to you.
So, my strong Heart, here we are…
My story, before you and how I got to you, is one filled with tremendous highs and lows. They say you only live once but I don’t believe that. I believe you can have many deaths and many rebirths in the span of one lifetime. You can rise from the ashes of a life and find that only the truest, strongest bits of you survived the fire. In the art and life I chose to live heretofore there were a lot of fires. And they kept burning away.
So many fires and so many painful rebirths, in fact, that after a while I was convinced God himself had it out for me. So I was determined to go it alone, on my own, without him. I awoke one day with absolute certainty that there simply wasn’t anyone out there for me. I was too difficult. Too damaged. Too dark. Too wild. Too eccentric. Too much fire, and not enough balm.
No one truly able to contain the roiling cauldron worth of emotions, ideas, passions and visions that made up me.
But then there was You. There was Us.
There was laughter. There was fun.
There was fire to meet fire. There was balm.
There was kindness.
There was hope.
There was vision.
There was strength. There was love. There was light.
Those who know us well know we both went through a mighty crucible to find each other.
But now look where we are, my love —
Standing together, in front of our loved ones, under the dome of the earth, against the majesty of where the land meets the sea. We have a completely loving, playful, happy life together.
In the past few years I have been so privileged to witness you take such huge steps further and further into your power, honey. Your mighty accomplishments notwithstanding, the truth is — your best, brightest and most celebrated years lay before you, my sweet.
In this journey to our new heights:
I promise to have your back.
I promise to hold you, and myself, to our highest selves.
I promise to always leave a room with you better than how I found you.
I promise to laugh together, and do whatever it takes to get that laugh.
I promise to be thoughtful.
I promise NOT to be quick to anger.
I promise NOT to be given to fear.
I promise to be brave enough for the both of us when need be.
I promise to build a life with you of bounty, beauty, creativity, kindness and love.
I promise to cherish you, and cherish you, and cherish you.
With you, My Heart, I truly have a wonderful life.
Not only do I believe in love again...
Because of you, I believe in God again.
Don’t Wait. Love With All of Your Heart.
It is THIS or nothing.
Don’t wait for the perfect man. Be ready to meet the man that takes all of you: the good, bad, the dark, the weak and powerful aspects of who you are, and raises you up to your highest self.
In turn, be the woman who inspires this level of devotion in a man. Love with all of your heart.
If you don’t believe in the man you’re with, let go. Let him find the woman who thinks the world of him. Be brave. Don’t settle. Open your mind to new possibilities. Lose your list. Open your heart, your eyes and your hands to receive the love that has been designed for you!
Wishing you so much love, as always,